I’m the type of person that clings tightly to someone that I truly care about. Sometimes too tightly. Sometimes so tightly that they feel the need to pull away. I’m slowly learning to deal with that…and fix the problem. Slowly. At least I recognize that I’m doing it now.
It’s taken 55 years to get to the point where I have people that I feel really close to. It’s also taken me 55 years to understand that I am rather clingy. Maybe I never saw it before because I never had anyone to stick around long enough for me to get really close. That’s not really fair. Truth is I never allowed anyone to remain in my life long enough to get close to them or they me. When you live a fairly isolated life and don’t interact with people much, you tend to think you’re the odd one. Turns out I’m not much different than lots of other people. It just took some very special people to make me see it.
My biggest problem (from my point of view) is that I'm so afraid of losing the important people in my life, that I hang on a little too tight. With one friend in particular, I feel the need to have some kind of contact with him every day. Too much? I don't know. I sense that he needs the contact too, but also know that when he's in a place where he has many friends and much social obligation, it's hard for him to keep up with everyone. I actually do understand that...not because I've experienced the same thing, but because I just know it happens to him. One person pulled in too many directions at the same time is painful...and, I think, a form of torture in some countries. "Drawn and quartered" comes to mind. In my attempt to understand and not be as clingy, I wind up sounding whiny and let doubt fill my mind. In other words, I drive him nuts. Somehow I need to give the man his space while being totally confident he won't leave without being a whiny bitch...and still remain close friends. I'm not sure I have what it takes to accomplish this monumental feat (for me), but I'm willing to give it a try. Until I have it mastered and cling no more, I'll just have to settle for being me and hope I don't push the important people out of my life entirely.
My biggest problem (from my point of view) is that I'm so afraid of losing the important people in my life, that I hang on a little too tight. With one friend in particular, I feel the need to have some kind of contact with him every day. Too much? I don't know. I sense that he needs the contact too, but also know that when he's in a place where he has many friends and much social obligation, it's hard for him to keep up with everyone. I actually do understand that...not because I've experienced the same thing, but because I just know it happens to him. One person pulled in too many directions at the same time is painful...and, I think, a form of torture in some countries. "Drawn and quartered" comes to mind. In my attempt to understand and not be as clingy, I wind up sounding whiny and let doubt fill my mind. In other words, I drive him nuts. Somehow I need to give the man his space while being totally confident he won't leave without being a whiny bitch...and still remain close friends. I'm not sure I have what it takes to accomplish this monumental feat (for me), but I'm willing to give it a try. Until I have it mastered and cling no more, I'll just have to settle for being me and hope I don't push the important people out of my life entirely.
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