Not “fitting in” is a more common feeling than I ever realized. I’m constantly surprised that some of the people I consider “cool” feel just as awkward as I do in a room full of people they don’t know. What’s the answer for getting over that fear? I don’t have a clue. It helps to have someone there with you that you know, but you still have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you angry. Yes, angry. I get mad when I’m thrown in to a situation that I’m uncomfortable with. Not a person that you would like to actually meet and not something I am actually proud of, but it’s true. And…it’s only been in the past year that I’ve realized that that is what happens. It’s also important to note that there are only four people that can make me actually give in and go to a party or function where I know I’ll have those feelings of “not belonging”. Only four. Four people…which is four more than there were five years ago. It says a lot for those four people…and for what they’ve taught me in just five short years. Do I think I’ll ever overcome this fear? No, but I think that, in time, I’ll be able to control my reaction to the idea better.
My goal: To not get angry when confronted with strangers and NOT to take it out on those that are just trying to help me grow. It’s a inner battle…a constant inner battle…but, one I’m willing to take on.
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